The funny thing about watching all these movies, one after the other, is that even the ones I know next to nothing about come with certain expectations. For example, I expect that the films that have entered the canon as Great Movies are going to actually be Great Movies that have only to reveal their brilliance to me. And then there are the films that haven’t lasted quite so long in the canon, which I can safely assume are absolute rubbish. Obviously, there’s no in-between. Movies are always either fantastic or terrible, despite the fact that I would describe very few of the films I’ve seen from this list in such definitive terms.
With that opener, you can probably guess where I’m going with this. Despite being another three-friggin’-hour-long film, and with a pretty wince-worthy series of colonialist portrayals (they get to fight off not just one, but two kinds of Indians!), bizarre cameos from the big stars of the day (most of whom I’ve never heard of), and a ten-minute scene of literally nothing but a guy waving a flag in front of bull for no reason other than that the actor happened to also be a bullfighter, I have a grudging appreciation for this movie. I’m not putting it at the top of my list or anything, but it’s also not at the bottom.
Based on the totally random introductory part of the film, which features Edward R. Murrow narrating something about the advances of technology in film and travel, it’s pretty clear that the filmmaker was really excited about the promise of the Space Race. Traveling around the world in 80 days seemed impressive back in the day, but now we have rockets that can go around the Earth in hours, is apparently the point. More recently, they’ve remade this film as The Amazing Race, or any other number of reality shows that ask contestants to do something dangerous and crazy for the camera.
Phileas Fogg, who doesn’t smoke or drink or do anything interesting, makes a bet with the fellows down at the old boys’ club that he can make it around the world in eighty days. He brings along his faithful companion Passepartout, who just came into his employ that same day and happens to have a wide range of talents that come in handy when they, for example, drop into a Spanish village in the middle of bullfighting season. Also, a big bank just got robbed, leading everyone to believe that Fogg is the culprit. Along the way, Fogg rescues an Indian princess (Hindu India, not Native America) who is about to be sacrificed on an altar to Kali (because that’s a thing, I guess?). Also, the Indian princess is Shirley MacLaine.
What redeeming qualities, you might ask, did I find in this film that led me to the conclusion that it was palatable – nay, even kind of weirdly entertaining? Well, despite the long runtime, I found myself relatively engaged in the action. Other than the longest bullfight-with-no-narrative-purpose ever, they mostly move from place to place without pausing long enough to do much more than wreak havoc. There was an odd running obsession with cows. There were a number of genuinely funny lines (“Crisis or no, nothing should interfere with tea!”). But the real star of the show was the daredevil Passepartout, played by Mexican comedic actor Cantinflas – who was apparently quite famous back in the day.
The most important thing is that the movie is educational. What I learned here is that if you’re rich enough, you, too, can travel around the world, dispensing with any obstacles with ease. Just throw money at people and you’ll get hot air balloons, elephants, boats, all at your command. You’ll even get princesses to fall in love with you! Some things never change.
Theme: Victorian/Book into Film
First Time Watching: Yes
Final Verdict: You’ve been diddled!